Edwards vs. Coulter: Round two

Talk about a "ride or die" chick. In a Hardball, with Chris Matthews interview with Ann Coulter last week Mrs. Edwards called in to defend her man. The seemingly demure housewife, gave the conservative columnist a run for her money. While watching the verbal altercation, I was waiting for someone to start yelling, JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Yes, it indeed got heated, Elizabeth Edwards was not backing down, but neither was Coulter. The argument stemed from a statement Coulter made six months ago saying, " I would talk about Edwards, but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot."

In a physical smack down, my money's on Edwards, simply because Ann Coulter looks as though she hasn't eaten since the days of the Spartans. Elizabeth most likely out-weighs her by at least thirty pounds.

Then again Coulter has spent a good portion of her career dodging pies being thrown at her face. You know what even though I don't agree with anything Coulter says, she gets an aiight from me. I respect her gangsta, few people challenge our right to freedom of speech, so blab on Coulter, blab on.

As for round two of the Coulter Edwards smack-down, this one clearly goes to Elizabeth.

Sashay Sargent! Sashay!

So apparently roadside bombs, missiles and machine guns are just not enough for the War on Terror. A Berkeley based watchdog group recently uncovered military leaders plan to develope what they call a "gay bomb." Confirmed by The Pentagon, the chemical weapon could be dropped on enemy troops rendering them "sexually irresistible to each other." Instead of fighting back, the pheromones released by said bomb would force the enemy to stop whatever they're doing and proceed to shag right there on the battlefield.

The weapon's proposal states that "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs. Especially if the chemical caused homosexual behaviour."

That would have to be some titan strength pheromones to be able to get a radical Muslim to knock boots with another man, and in public no less. Are we forgetting that these are the same people who will sacrifice their own lives just or the downfall of an enemy.

Now I think this idea came about in one of two ways:

1. Someone brought weed to the office again, but this things got so out hand that they ended up going with this ideawhile they were baked, because they didn't sober up in time.
2. They pooled all the project money for an office trip to Vegas where they lost most of it at the Roullette table, so they proposed the "gay bomb" because it was "mad cheap yo, and no one will realize the money is gone!"

If the "gay bomb" inlcuded awesome house music, ectasy pills and firece leopard print hot pants it might get an aiight from me. Since it's only phremones and a dream, I give it a yeah aiight, with a headshake and gutbusting laughter.

iPhone therefore I'm baahhhllin'!!!

Tech luster your wait is almost over. Tomorrow, June 29th, Apple releases its much anticipated iPhone. Sidekick III owners hide your faces, there's a new status symbol in town.

The latest gem from the good people a Apple is not only a cell phone, but a music player with video, that also surfs the Internet. Yes I said surf, not browse and it gives you the real Internet, fresh squeezed not from concentrate.

The iPhone also has a sexy touch screen that allows for navigating through its 12 icons (one of which is a link to youtube). It also has a camera and with a price tag close to $500 ( plus a monthly bill of $60 plus) the phone cooks you dinner and hold you tenderly at night.

Wait...what? It doesn't do that?

It in fact will not do the laundry and dirty dishes? Oh well at least it has a dope flat crystal clear touch screen and the ability to fade out music when a call comes in.

According to Cat Schwartz, the gadget director for eBay, " This phone is going to be a status symbol. If you're walking down the street with an iPhone, people will be looking at you."

No doubt carrying the iPhone makes you an instant baller ( or baahhller according to the Dipset crew), but people will be looking at you to potentially rob you. Unless of course you're a faux baller and pawned your PS3, so now all you have is an iPhone. Who am I kidding you might get robbed just for the iPhone. Don't let that be a deterrent by any means, go ahead get your iPhone ( if you can).

Apple is once again genius with its marketing strategies and much props to AT&T for locking in that monopoly.

Right now the iPhone gets a "yeah aiight" from me, but that's only because I can't afford it. It does however have the potential to give the Blackberry, Palm and Sidekick a thorough ass kicking, if it were only more affordable.

So easy a Homo Sapien can do it!

So after months and months of buzzing, the rumours are confirmed. The Geico Cavemen will indeed have a home on ABC this coming fall.

Now before you start rolling your eyes towards your post evolution fully lowered brow, remember one thing, you love those commercials. Come on we all had the same song stuck in our heads, and it would most always emerge at the most inappropriate times and send us into a fit of giggles. Like a "Remembering the Holocaust" lecture perhaps.

"Everywhere I go, there's always something to remind me. Of another place and time."

All great sitcoms started off as a stupid idea. Beavis and Butthead anyone? That show has been categorized as a Classic now.

Whats that Kelly Ripa? They canceled your show, to give some cavemen their own show. What that? Your upset about it?!

Look these cavemen aren't the knuckle-dragging, barely able to use tools australopithecus that we learned about in 9th grade biology. These are multi-faceted individuals who live in fabulous condos and order roast duck with mango salsa at fancy restarants.

They have girlfriends. They see their therapists once a week and porbably have some deep seeded issues with their mothers as well. These cavemen have feelings. If you prick them, they bleed, if you tickle them, they laugh and if you watch their show, their ratings will soar.

The Geico cavemen get an AIIGHT from me, won't you give them a try, it's so easy...well you get it!

Wipe with your left, shake with your right?

In her quest to save the planet from the inferno of Global Warming, the folk singer Sheryl Crow suggested that individuals should ration their usage of TP. According to Washingtonpost.com Ms. Crow has also developed a a line of clothing that includes what she is calling a "dining sleeve." Said sleeve would be detachable and would be easily removed and replaced with a new sleeve in case the wearer happens to be slovenly and require a clean one. Although she failed to mention this in the article, but I'm sure the sleeves would come in an array of colors and designs to to fit one's lifestyle. The sleeve is multi-purpose as well, giving Kleenex a run for their money during cold and flu season.

The most enthralling of Ms. Crow's green initiatives, is her TP ration.

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/21/AR2007042101385_pf.html

YEAH, aiight

Fighting the green fight is commendable. Captain Planet would be beaming with pride. Let's not get carried away though, I'm sure Sheryl Crow won't mind having people not want to shake hands with her, but what about the millions of people who work in food services? One square is most certainly not enough for them!

Mother Nature is probably giving Sheryl a "Good looking out Sheryl!" From me she gets a big fat YEAH aiight! and an eye roll.

How about we ration something else. The millions of Watchtowers given out by the Jehovah's witness posse that go unread. There should be a limit on how many Watchtowers can go to press. I mean they print Harry Potter quantities of pamphlets no one reads. Sheryl.... can you get at that?